7th

Apparently my usually incisive song ruining skills are in need of repair, because Golnar went to, and enjoyed a New Model Army show. New Model Army were my friend Katie’s Goth brother’s favorite band. He had a Celtic mural painted on his wall, played role playing games in a fake cave in South London in which he wore plastic chain mail and probably wielded a plastic sword against fake, maybe also plastic, goblins and gnomes or whatever people fight in such games. I would put New Model Army in the flesh creeping heeby jeeby GOTH CRUSTY genre. This clearly is something that shouldn’t be allowed and must be stopped. I am not sure how I can make this happen but it’s definitely one of my goals for 2k7. “Every single hippy pagan freakout or weird transcendent goth dance at the New Model Army show made me think of you, but the band was so good that the little mocking voice in the back of my head (yours) did not win out over my enjoyment of the jams. SONG RUINER DENIED!” This is what the pithy, bold Gnar said in regards to her experience and I think it pretty much says it all. Anything involving hippy pagan freakouts and weird transcendant goth dances is clearly the opposite of something the co-ordinator of MRR should be involved in so in the end I am understanding of her decision to hand in her co-ordinatorship. It’s clearly time for her to move on, perhaps her and Carl Cordova will attend Burning Man next year? I hear that that is also transcendant and a hippie freakout but I am not sure how Goth Crusty you can be in the desert. Next time I see Golnar I expect she will be wearing black platform Star Wars power boots with a dread wig.
Americans always get into the randomest of English bands, I remember when the ever so dreamy Scott Moore came to England in ye olde late 90s, he rabidly wanted Newtown Neurotics records. I mean, it was probably the fact that he could finally come clean about his need to cry in public, on the street, beause really, when was the last time you saw a man cry on TV? It’s so oh oh embarrassing. Or maybe it was the ballad about the singer’s penis. Who can say. Not me. I think the Neurotics are painfully embarrassing. It’s like listening to an earnest crustier version of Neil from the Young Ones combined maybe with Rikk, also from the Young Ones talking about his feelings in a warbling, sincere yet barf enducing manner. THE HORROR. THE HORROR. I can’t get behind overly sincere earnest hippie music from my homeland. I prefer the mean snotty venom of Neos or Void and always have. The Punks always ask me why I hate the music produced by the punks of my homeland, and to this I raise a quizzical eyebrow. I love Huggy Bear, most of the early Rough Trade bands, and the art punk bands that everyone likes (you know; wire, the homosexuals, desperate bicycles etc…) and if someone made me pick a buttpatch band I would say that Rudimentary Peni clearly are weird and fucked up enough to be on my team.
Anyway the point being that everyone has embarrassing musical nightmares that they are totally sold on. I would say the time I made myself love Into Another, at age 15 maybe? Whenever the Ignaurus LP came out anyway, well that clearly is embarassing D&D fantasy metal. And I know all the words! I wish I had retained as much from my 5 yrs of secondary school French. Plus my inexplicable love of later period (ie the shameful 90s) emo straightedge is probably a mark against my name. What can I say; I was an uptight SXE riot grrrl in the dark days that we now know as the errrr 90s, so I rocked out to both Falling Forward and the Frumpies. I know all the words to the Man lifting Banner 10”. There I said it. I am sure there are other items of equal hideousness lurking in my recent past, but just because I do not like the chosen sounds that the Vikings of Crust Goth Chaos Punk have endorsed from my homeland does not mean that there is anything wrong with my brain. I maybe have abused my ears with the aforementioned aural disasters on a frequent basis but I am still allowed to ruin the songs that emanated from the squats of Thatcher era England with no remorse.
I was intending to list my favorite places to consume vast amounts of food and have vast amounts of good times in the various towns I have resided in since abandoning my Endpoint Aftertaste record at my mother’s house ie since I left home, but was so consumed with the idea of Golnar in a mass hippie trance with her fellow clog wearing shower shirkers at the New Model Army show, what could I do. I like how most of my columns contain at least a line about what I was going to write about before I launched off on whatever tangent I happen to find myself discussing. It’s how I do.

Actually I wanted to insert one other snide remark. You may notice that some of my top ten has marked similarities to the top ten of a certain co-ordinator in the last issue. This is not my fault. She has been stealing my thoughts in advance for ages in a plot to get me into her crust warrior cult. Anyway, without further ado, top ten mother fuckers.
1-Condenada thanksgiving feast. These ladies definitely took it to the next level. 2-Sex Vid/Jump Off a Building/Cult Logic/White Boss show at Justin’s mansion. Sex Vid are the best hardcore band in America easily, Die Kreutzen Cows and Beer versus Neos versus your brain melting into itself at the possibility that such killer jams were happening in front of yr eyes. Cult Truth were raging hardcore yet were somehow still dreamy and cuuuuute, secret show, secret band, totes ridic. Jump off a Building are my favorite new local band, tho I guess they aren’t that new, just new to me. I like that is the mic hadn’t fucked up the show would have been over in 20 minutes. Even with 4 bands playing. Perfect. 3-the B side to the Spanish Fucked Up single that Paco put out. SO KILLER. everytime I try and write off this band they totally trick me into liking them again. I totally need th Shop Assistants/Dolly Mixture cover 7”s. I know that most of the people (ie dudes) that have these probably have never even heard of either band and are just holding onto them for future bribe money or something. SO LAME. 4-Naked Raygun All Rise/Jettison (which one were we listening to at Martin’s birthday gnar??) 5-Finally Punk 7” excellent TX girl punk, total destruktion 6-Lungfish for winter time skulking 7-Spider and the Webs 7” on K 8-Modern Warfare 7” 9-Going to the east coast for WINTER (insert obligitary amoebix reference) 10-CAVE ROM